Heard anything from 'The Chase' that is.
Perhaps the Christmas break has delayed them. Or perhaps not!
Anyway, the thing I really wanted to talk about was what they said when they phoned up to discuss my application for the show.
After all the pleasantries the nice young lady said, 'I see that you are an author.'
When did that happen then?
Obviously I had put it on the entry form, so at what point did I consider that I had become 'an author'?
Let's face it I haven't actually had anything published yet - apart from 'Just a couple of drops' which went onto The Short Humour Site just before Christmas.
Take a look on short-humour.org.uk and click on Dave Robertson in the writers list - thereby hangs another tale that we'll come to shortly.
But back to the author thing. The children's book DOGNAPPED! won't be available until the end of April, so technically I'm not yet an author.
But there again, it is written - so am I?
Yes, I get it - a lot of awful stuff - very funny!
Did I become an author at age eight with the now classic 'Ode to Grandma's eaten cake, I have got the belly ache'?
Or when I used to write poetry, I use the term loosely, about my work colleagues. Take for instance:
'Terry has a funny gut
It's bloated, full of gas
It congeals, ferments, distils itself
And passes through his ass!'
Well you should have tried sitting at the drawing board behind him! I was in a permanent, foul smelling smog!
Was I an author in 2005 when I started my science fiction/ fantasy novel? Again, probably not, because it's still not finished.
Was it because I stopped being an engineer after my heart attack? Excuse the pun but my heart wasn't in it anymore. Perhaps, but whatever the reason I am apparently 'an author' so I suppose I had better get used to it.
So, let's just back up a bit. Remember The Short Humour Site? I sent in my story and they decided it was worthy of uploading onto their webpage. But on the accompanying 'blurb' that I sent in with this undoubted literary masterpiece (have you read it yet - no? Oh good, I can let that description stand for a bit then!) I put down my name as 'David.'
They decided that the contracted version of my given name was acceptable.
Perhaps it used to be.
Friends that don't call me 'Oi you,' may otherwise refer to me as 'Dave' or even 'Robbo.' And that used to be fine, apart from the obvious links to 'Call me Dave,' Cameron of course, after all no one wants to appear to be a nob, or is that knob, I'm never sure!
But I digress. The point is - have the rules changed now that I'm 'an author'?
Old William Shakespeare wasn't referred to as 'Bill' or 'Willie' as he quilled his way through Dick the Third, was he?
It doesn't resonate somehow, does it? Not quite the image that they've created.
DOGNAPPED! when it finally hits the shelves you may note will have been penned by David J Robertson. Now there's a name with weight and authority.
It's entirely necessary.
I am an author!