I've been a bit lax in the blogging department over the Christmas break.
You've missed me? Nice of you to say so.
I missed you too, thanks for the card by the way.
However there was a very good reason for my absence - Kate and I were watching Game of Thrones.
From the beginning.
All fifty episodes of it.
That's five whole series.
Have you seen it? It's part medieval saga, part gothic fantasy. There are zombies. There be dragons. There is violence and gore graphically displayed. In between fighting the men pop off, down to the local whorehouse, provided of course that they've got enough working bits left intact. Must be something to do with relieving the tension! There are an awful lot of unclothed lady parts on view.
I closed my eyes - honest!
At a rare outing away from the carnage and debauchery I told my brother's family what we were doing and as one they all started humming the theme tune! They'd seen it already, so we stuck our fingers in our ears and sang ‘lardy dardy da’ at the top of our voices so that they couldn't spoil the ending.
As it turns out we wish we hadn't bothered, because how do I feel now, apart from a thumping, over exposure to telly, headache?
‘Oh no,’ I hear you cry, ‘for heavens sake why?'
It's not sodding finished, that's why!
Sky Atlantic didn't point that little wrinkle out at the beginning, did they! Apparently there's supposed to be another two series to come: except - the books haven't actually been written yet. But did they tell us that as the opening titles came up?
They left that to Melvin Bragg on the South Bank Show right after the last episode. Up he pops after the ‘de de diddle diddle de bop’ cello music looking like he's dipped his head in a bucket of black emulsion – I mean honestly, he ought to be as grey as I am! Grow old gracefully, man!
‘Today on The South Bank Show,' he nasally tells us - how on earth did he ever get a job as a t.v. presenter when he talks down his nostrils like that? – ‘I shall be interviewing Game of Thrones writer, George R R Martin.’
And he did.
And George R R tells us with a bit of an embarrassed giggle that he hasn't finished penning book six yet.
He missed his deadline.
He's ever so apologetic but he's been 'a bit busy.'
‘So, where exactly that leaves us with what ought to be the final book, book seven, isn't clear,' Melvyn's nose gleefully tells us, as his artificially darkened locks happily bounce up and down. Don't try to kid us, Mel, we can tell when you're laughing!
It turns out that telly series six will be a bit of a guess. When the book finally comes out it may be a bit different, depending on what sort of mood old George is in at the time.
Well at least us poor short changed punters know what the R R stands for now, don't we! Royally Rogered!
I write as one who under no circumstances whatsoever would watch the first Lord of the Rings film until I knew the other two were completed. Call me pedantic but I like to see the finished article, rather than some half arsed attempt!
I did accidentally see the first Star Wars film - someone had it on at their house whilst I was there - but I steadfastly refuse to watch the rest until all of the promised nine are in the can. I'll probably die first, but hey ho, at least I won't feel cheated.
So all I can do now is wait for the author to catch up and then sit through the whole lot again.
No, it's all to do with continuity - nothing to do with lady parts at all.