Those of you on Facebook may have noticed that there are a lot of authorish posts being bandied about lately. (Yes, I do know that 'authorish' isn't a word, I rather like to make these things up). No doubt some of you may be thinking - 'Oh Lord, not again! What's that pillock Robertson up to now?' Well 'what I'm up to,' has a reason and if you'll bear with me I will try to explain the logic.
As you know by now I've written a children's book.
 'Yes - we know only too bloody well,' I hear you say with a resigned sigh. 'Do you really have to keep banging on about it?'
Yes I do and thank you so much for that collective groan - very encouraging! I am gratified that so many of you have heard the news.
It's coming out next April.
 'Not another six months of this incessant waffle!' Afraid so, my blog dwelling readership.
You see the reason that I do keep 'banging on,' as you so eloquently put it is that now I have to sell the damn thing. And no, don't offer to buy one if only I'll shut up either, because I do need to sell rather a lot.
The self publishing process is not cheap. The artist, whom you'll all agree having seen the pictures, is excellent. But excellence does not come cheaply. The book then has to be printed, stored and shipped all at a cost to be borne by yours truly. There's the advertising, the marketing and lastly but by no means least there are the retailers.
Did you know for example that Amazon get to keep an arm and a leg of the cover price for every hard copy book that they sell. W.H. Smith and Waterstones will expect something a little less - just one limb will probably do! The publisher, Matador, would like a quick nibble of any profit which given their involvement is probably reasonable.
So that is why I would like to get the word out to as many people as possible on the off chance that I may make a little dosh myself and get to touch at least some of the folding stuff as I hand it over to the taxman.
To that end I've joined a marketing group on Facebook aimed primarily at authors. The idea is that we share each other's posts and promote each other in various ways - a sort of mutual admiration society. The theory being that the more people are talking about, sharing, or just liking any posts that we come up with, the better.
I'm also trying to get various retail outlets to take it by any means that I can, coercion, blackmail, bribery... I am shouting it from the rooftops so that DOGNAPPED! By David J Robertson and illustrated by Ian R Ward is on everyone's lips by the time the publication date comes around.

So sorry for the intrusion. I am aware that I'm popping up on your p.c./ tablet/ phone far too often, but hey, I got to make a living. (I did create a separate author page but everything seems to end up on my personal page anyway!)
I have spoken recently to a couple of authors who are already published and by that token a bit further along the road. 'How have you got on?' I asked them both only to be met with a grimace, a shrug of the shoulders and a look of abject sadness.
Taking that response to be negative feedback in the extreme, my second question was 'How did you go about advertising yourself/ your book?'
They both looked somewhat taken aback by that. 'Well we told our friends.'
Seriously!?
Remember the American t.v. comedy 'Cheers' from some years ago? You know, that bar in Boston 'Where everybody knows your name' - as the theme song had it. Well that's what I'm aiming for, brand recognition, except in a more globally dominating way and I'm afraid that you my Facebookian (making it up again, see!) friends happen to be in the firing line.
Never mind - there's only six months to go.
Oh - Did I mention that I'd just finished the sequel? Ian - Ian, fancy doing some pictures?

It's been a bit quiet on the blog front just lately hasn't it?
What’s that? You've been worried? Sorry to be such a drain on your emotions, but it has been very serious to be honest! A bit touch and go.
Man-flu!
Probably the not-quite terminal type, but as close to death as it's possible to get without actually seeing Angels.
And a hurty foot!
Yes - it has been that bad!
I've been soooo ill you wouldn't believe it. Anyway, I'm on the mend now, thank-you for your concern. I should just about be able to drag myself to the Christmas festivities.
 
So, 'Apart from that what's been occurring,' I hear you cry.
Well, I was sixty.
What really? I don't look a day past the back end of fifty nine? Very nice of you to say so - thanks once again. We had a party, two cakes, a lot of beer, a lot of people to help drink it and a famous bloke off the telly playing guitar. Joe Whelan apparently. No, it didn’t ring any bells with me either, I had to be told. The X factor or some such show. Must admit he was very good. He turned up 'cos he's a mate of Gin Annie's, no that's the name of the band we booked - not a bag lady from Kingswinford. Their drummer was off sick, so rather than let us all down they brought along yet another guitarist – you can’t fault their logic, can you? Still it was very good of them to adhere to the old adage of, ‘the show must go on.’ A good many would have used that as an excuse to put their feet up in front of the t.v., so fair play for that.
 
What else? Well the book is steaming ahead toward publication. I've had the draft press release and the advance information sheets to sign off. Yes, we authors have to attend to things like that, you know, terminal man-flu and hurty foot or not. There's going to be an e book as well. No don't ask, I'll only show my ignorance of things technological - again!
 
Misty's fine thank you, she'll be pleased that you remembered to ask. Her walks have been a bit curtailed due to my debilitating condition of course, but I'm sure that she understands - ok perhaps not!
So, that's about it then. Can't think of anything else important to tell you so I'll leave it there for now.
 
Sorry?
You'd heard what?
Oh, didn't I mention it? How remiss of me.
Well now you’ve brought it up, it is true.
I proposed to Kate.
She did say YES, just in case you were wondering. And as you may have noticed she did say it with capitals, in an italic, bold font. (You can’t keep a writer down, can you – every emotion known to man has to be recorded on the page!)
As usual I was thinking of others. After all, if you missed my birthday bash you wouldn't want to miss the next party would you?
When all’s said and done she is a bit special, but don't tell her that I said so - she'll get a big head and then her tiara won't fit!
We get the ring back from re-sizing on Friday, so she'll be doing a lot of pointing at things. Just make sure that you oooooh and aaaaah in the right places.
 
What this space - next year is going to be very special indeed!