Oh, sorry. Just clearing my throat.
Well yes, as a matter of fact I have got something to say. I just wanted to be sure that you were listening and I didn't want to butt in. Didn't want to appear over keen.
Or needy, no. Have it your way then.
But now that I have your attention - I've got a new follower on Twitter, is all.
No I've never really understood it either, all those hashtags or whatever you call them.
Yes, that's it. End of message.
A new follower.
Of course I've got more than one following me! I've got just over three hundred actually, seeing as you've asked.
At the moment.
O.k. then, I just thought that you might like to know.
That's all I wanted to tell you.
Woah! Wait a minute.
Yes, I'm still here.
Excuse me interrupting again, but don't you want to know who it is?
Well, I don't like to name drop.
Oh, all right then.
It's, erm, ready for this - John Gilstrap.
I knew you'd be impressed.
What? No! Not that guitarist from the seventies.
You must be thinking of Gordon Giltrap.
Yes, Gilstrap - you've got it.
'THE' John Gilstrap actually.
He's a novelist.
Yes, I know it was only a kids book. And yes, I do keep harping on about it.
No he doesn't write 'that sort of stuff' too. My mate John writes thrillers. In fact he's a New York Times bestselling author.
How about that then?
I can tell that you're impressed.
Although you do hide it rather well.
Well he felt compelled to 'follow' me, so I think that I can technically call him a mate.
No, we haven't been 'down the pub' together. He lives in America.
We obviously have a long distance relationship.
I don't know exactly where his house is, no.
America's a big place.
Well, as you point out, we might bump into each other next time I visit Disney. Somehow I doubt it.
Isn't it in Paris?
Oh, there's another one!
And California as well!
Bet they're raking it in then, eh?
At least that's trebled my chances of meeting him.
What do you mean, meeting who? John of course. Gilstrap. Honestly you've got the attention span of a...
No I don't know why he wants to be my pal. Perhaps he'd like a few tips.
No, not about drinking, writing! Yes, I see what you did there. I can tell you thought that was funny! Bloody hilarious if you ask me!
I'll agree, there is a bit of a gulf in genres. He writes about this private investigator bloke, Jonathan Grave, in fast paced, explosive action - I've written about my dog Misty and her adventures on a canal boat. But you know what, if he's ever at a bit of a loss, got the old writer's block - yes, we authors all go through it from time to time - I might be able to help.
I hadn't really thought about how - throw in a comedy elephant and several platefuls of sausages perhaps, what plot wouldn't benefit from that?
Yes, I know, that is a scene from my book, but I feel the concept may cross the children's/ thriller divide very nicely, don't you?
All right! Be like that then!
Not jealous are we?
Well good luck with that one! Didn't you read my blog back in February? Oh, and in November last year come to think about it. Don't say I didn't warn you - it's not my fault if you don't keep up!
Come to think of it I did wonder where he'd gone.
You'll get no rent off him for being on your Facebook page you know. Tight as a duck's bottom!
Yes, I know him of old.
Ricky bloody Gervais!
He did pop back to my page the other day actually.
Yeah, cheeky bastard! Only wanted me to share photo's of posters plugging his latest film.
Can you believe it!
My mate John wouldn't do that.
Proper gentleman he is!
I think I've got a far better class of friend, don't you?