My unwanted lodger.
Yes, that's right - Ricky bloody Gervais!
And his sodding cat!
If you're unsure what I'm raving about now, you might like to delve back in the archives to my post, 'Pavlov's dogs and Gervais's bloody cat!' Yes, I had my first rant about, 'David Brent' on the 27th of November last year.
If you recall (or indeed may have just read) I revealed how he turned up, uninvited and unannounced, along with his moggy and started to live rent free on my Facebook page.
Can you believe it!
And he's still here!
Every now and again a smug little post appears with - 'Ricky Gervais is live now' - and a picture of the aforementioned comedian, head down, gazing at his pussy.
What's all that about?
Talk about rubbing it in!
I thought he'd buggered off to abuse all and sundry at the Golden Globe awards.
Apparently not. That must have been pre-recorded months ago before he turned up here. I mean surely he couldn't have snuck over to the U, S of A and back again without me noticing- he makes so much racket in everything he bloody does. He's like an annoying wind chime, the slightest puff and he's off, rattling away!
Empty vessels and all that.
And anyway, even if he did manage to sneak out - did he take the cat?
I sincerely hope so.
I hope he didn't think that whilst he was off on his jollies that I was going to look after the mangy thing.
Come to think of it the dogs were looking a bit underfed for a couple of weeks.
You know the look that you get, head tilted to one side, pleading, 'are you going to feed me yet?' And of course I'd shoo them off, telling them that they'd had all they were going to get and not to try it on with me, greedy critters!
Could I have been mistaken?
I bet the cat had their dinner, thus leaving me now feeling alarmingly guilty!
And he's supposed to be against animal cruelty!
Rent, Gervais, rent!
If you want to stay, you got to pay.
After all I'm feeding three animals now.
Perhaps I ought to charge him for board as well as lodging.
And then, out of the blue another post popped up. The same picture but now it said, 'Ricky Gervais was live a few minutes ago.'
Is that so?
All I can say is that it must have been a premonition, 'was' live, 'cos if he don't cough up soon I'll bloody kill him!
Got to go, I've got a couple of dogs that I've got to feed up. And apologise to!
Good girls, come on you can have an extra helping today. Yes, blessums, daddy's been a naughty man, letting that nasty puddy tat eat your din dins.
I mean, honestly...
Look at those innocent little faces.
Those wide, pleading eyes.
Gervais - You Bastard!