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DAY FOUR

Mum,

        Just a quick note to inform you of today’s events.

         Don’t bother to look out of the window as we are now nowhere in sight.

         Please tell Doris that she can do whatever she likes today as I am afraid that we are unlikely to arrive in the foreseeable future.

         We thought that we had had a stroke of luck last night as we unexpectedly stumbled upon some old mine workings and set out to hopefully make good progress. We now appear to be in Blackpool – who could guess that the mine system was so extensive?

         Dad, I’m sorry to say has rather lost the plot. Instead of the pit props that we requested, I think that he misheard and we surprisingly acquired a pit pony instead. Misty for some reason has taken to calling her Gerald. I won’t call Dad anymore as it is causing chaos at this end.

         Gerald unfortunately seems to have a voracious appetite for lemon cake and so I have sent her and Misty to the beach, to give donkey rides so that we can earn a small income with which to replenish our stocks.

         Perhaps you and the rest of the ward choir could give us a rousing chorus of, ‘Oh I do love to be beside the seaside’ to raise our spirits. The canary seems quite taken with Gerald and is singing his little heart out in happiness – bless!

          I have to go now, as I would like to enjoy what’s left of the lemon cake, before Gerald gets back.

  Keep smiling, will be in contact shortly with (hopefully) better news.

Dave.

p.s. Please fashion this letter into a decorative doily so that the nurses don’t find out.